The Power of the AND

3 Minute read

Who had the Connect kit in their home, that magnetic one, with the balls and the sticks, the bits that always blocked the hoover!? It always fascinated me how each one of my children could make very different shapes, ones that got more convoluted, as time went on. There are so many popular toys, that we buy our children, toys that are good for improving fine motor skills, all toys that have connecting bits, Brio, Duplo, jigsaw puzzles, Lego, bits that all slot in and fit together. Did you watch your child get more confident with them, each time, building more and more complicated constructions? And then would say…”let’s tidy up now”, in my house, the beloved construction would be put on display for Daddy to look at but eventually it would have  to be broken up and put back in it’s box. It could never be lasting.

We teach our children from a very early age to Continue reading “The Power of the AND”

Do you enrage or engage with your Teenager?

 

By the time you’ve finished reading this blog, which is based on a talk I present, I hope that you:

  • Will feel more confident in dealing with teenage challenges by understanding the science behind the tremendous changes in the adolescent brain.
  • Be able to engage rather than enrage
  • Can feel more connected with your teenager by seeing the whole person
  • Be able to see that  shifting our cultural perception that teenagers are a “nightmare” to a believing that adolescence is a stage of life not to “get over” or “endure”, but one to cultivate well.

Continue reading “Do you enrage or engage with your Teenager?”

Time for a Parenting Detox?

 

We have set new goals at the beginning of a new year since ancient times. I

have read that the ancient Babylonians, 4000 years ago  are believed to have been the the first people to make New Year’s resolutions and then the  Romans made promises of good conduct to the God Janus, for the following year.

It is common to set personal intentions around Diet, Alcohol, Weight, Travel, Career or Business, Education, Hobbies, Self Help and Bad Habits, but do you consider setting any intentions regarding your family life, and specifically your Parenting? Continue reading “Time for a Parenting Detox?”

Tis’ the season for a Pantomine

Christmas is the time of traditions, and going to a Pantomine is a firm family favourite across the land. Pantomine is not originally a British tradition or a children’s entertainment show.

Pantomine began as entertainment for adults, it can be traced back to the ancient Roman “Saturnalia” Midwinter feast, at which everything was supposed to be turned upside down. Men dressed as women, and women as men, just like the pantomime dames and principal boy leading role. Continue reading “Tis’ the season for a Pantomine”

Can Less-Than-Perfect Really Be Enough?

Usually the need to be perfect comes from a bit of anxiety. Worried that something might go wrong, a person tries to figure out the situation and apply the best approach so the chance of success is higher. If you can figure it out and it works, there is relief and satisfaction. Job well done! But then the next situation starts and you have to get back at it. And life gets more complex and there are multiple situations at the same time. You don’t always get it right and that is embarrassing so you have to try harder and harder. It gets exhausting.

People may start to notice is how hard you are working but something about it isn’t quite working. The desire to make everything right is there, but the outcome of everything being all right isn’t there.

It can be so confusing.

Being “good enough” doesn’t actually sound good enough on the surface. When you are used to overachieving, it no longer feels like over-achieving. It just feels like the normal amount of effort required.

In parenting, we worry that if we are only good enough parents, our children won’t have the same opportunities or success that other children seem to have. Our children deserve the best so we must be the best. Except….

Good enough parenting is actually what our children need from us. This is backed up by research (“Raising A Secure Child” is a book dedicated to explaining this). Good enough parenting is when we can hold on to two things: first, that we are willing to hold onto our children’s best interests and second, that we will mess it up… probably pretty often.

There is nothing clean about raising children. It will get messy in more than one way. Being good enough takes the pressure and anxiety out of the equation. When we know that we will mess it up, we aren’t trying to anticipate the situation for the “exact right way”. We are just in the situation, present to it and to our children. If it starts to get off track, we will notice it sooner and pause to see where it got off track. We may have to take charge and make a decision. We may have to apologize for not getting it and ask for clarification. We may have to figure it out together and come up with a compromise.

No matter how the situation gets resolved, being good enough will feel better for both you and the other person. Being a good enough parent will teach your child that you love them, want the best for them and are willing to get messy while you figure it out. It will teach your child that there are many ways to work something out and that you are in it together with them. You will come from a place of comfortable figuring-it-out-together instead of a place of uncomfortable have-to-figure-it-all-out-perfectly-now.

Blogpost  taken From Circle of Security.net.