A bitesize snippet of how an attachment based Parenting approach helps with responding to challenging behaviours whether it is the terrible 2’s or the troublesome teen:
The Circle of Security® roadmap helps to increase caregiver’s observation skills. Using the Circle roadmap, we are better able to shift our attention away from focusing on the child’s behaviour, and onto what is Hidden in Plain Sight.
When we focus on behaviour we tend to think about either reinforcing the desirable behaviours or extinguishing those we don’t like. While having consequences for behaviour is useful, when the limits don’t work, or the changes don’t last, or worse yet, the outcome is not what we wanted, there is a tremendous pull in us to make the intervention bigger stronger, longer, and louder. Can you think of a time when this might have happened to you? Did your parent ever threaten to ground you till you were 18?
The Circle of Security® is about switching the focus of our attention away from the behaviour and onto the relationship needs that are always there, Hidden in Plain Sight. We use the Circle to focus on meeting children’s needs so we can find caring ways to help, thus building empathy in the relationship.
Because the Circle of Security® is always Hidden In Plain Sight, learning to read the Circle roadmap offers caregivers a quick, no-nonsense, straightforward way of tracking relationship needs.
Using the Circle roadmap, we are able to solve the riddle of what our children really need from us and see that it is always Hidden in Plain Sight.